august 12, 2009

Loooking for....

Im confused a bit. Thing is what should i do? I kinda started to like life i had previous 2 years, minus bad stuff, bad emotions. Doing what i want, well doing almost what i want, that is. Some of family thought that i was doing too much my ex-s bidding, well i was at somethings. But generally, i was doing what i wanted.
i meaan every day life. I could do always more, learn something new, break routine, sing , write etc
Thing is that now that im out of relationship, i do also what i want. Confusing...ok
HERE is the thing, After Viljandi Folk i have felt that i want to reconnect with my faith people and faith. Me rational guy...well i guess one ist that rational always..
Do i have to be? No...If i want to be religious again, so be it.
of course there are questions, but there is clear wish to reconnect. I guess i have to make up my mind soon. I could out of comfort continue as i am, keeping it inner thing, minding my own business, doing still what i want like last two years or gradually come to spotlight...by returning fully....to the rivers of belief.
with all that entails. that means standing out on b-days etc. but if i want to go that way, and there is wish, there ignoring and stopping it is self-limiting too..

Mind over matter? Why there is such split between heart and mind at the times?
though i like the puzzles and to be human too

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